Happy Halloween!

Thanks for the comments, it might be just the push I need to actually do something one way or another.

The last couple mornings I have been late(r) to work than usual because I can't find anything to wear. I know I have a box of winter stuff somewhere but I have yet to swap out my summer for winter. We all know I have no spring or fall wardrobe which is the real problem. I have no desire to go shopping because it will either end up one of two ways (both bad). I will either find nothing I like or determine that I'm fat and it is too sad to look in the mirror.

I'm pretty sure we won't get any trick-or-treaters which is just fine with me. I am content to heat up some chilly and sack out on the couch with Wicket and watch chick something or another.

This morning when I came home from the gym I walked into the apartment to see this:

(It is a pumpkin candle holder and in case you can't read it, it says "10-31, Happy Halloween Baber! See you tonight. Love, B")

He's just the cutest thing ever.

That Person

My MOH called me last night. Before that I hadn't spoken to her since my wedding. She went away on vacation and I really didn't have any desire to call her.

My feelings are still the same. I dread talking to her, I cringe when she asks me what I'm up to the next few weeks. I never mentioned the shower incident and I probably should but I'm a chicken. She asked if I would be up for going to look at bridesmaids dresses in December (have I mentioned that she's getting married in May and that I'm in her wedding?). "Sure!" I said, but really it sounds like torture.

Nothing has changed and unless I do something it won't change on its own. The problem is that I'm not ready to change it. I can't imagine sitting down with her and telling her that I just don't want to be her friend anymore. I need a break but how exactly, do you tell someone you need a break from them? My normal reaction (because I avoid confrontation like the plague) would be to avoid her but I can't avoid someone that has been my friend for 24 years. No matter what the situation, she at least deserves an explanation.

I know what I need to do right now and that is nothing. I am obviously not ready to make the change. The problem is that I find myself complaining about it, especially to BHF, and that is a pet peeve of mine. I can't stand it when people complain about something and do nothing about it. And yet, I am becoming that person.

The Reception

Turns out there aren't that many good pictures to post from the reception as I don't really want to post full pictures of people without their consent. Sadly, I never got a chance to tell the photographer what pictures we wanted so there really aren't any detail pictures which is unfortunate because the decorations were beautiful (thanks to BHF's sister and family). But here are a few...

Unfortunately we didn't have time to tend to the cake. The cake stand didn't get decorated and we never came up with a cake topper. We had no idea what we were doing when it came time to cut the cake but that was OK because we laughed through the whole thing.

After cake cutting we went out with our photographer for some more shots. Unfortunately a lot of our guests took this opportunity to leave. Again, I wish we had done our pictures beforehand but oh well.

Yes, there are things I would have done differently but overall I'm very happy with our day. It is true, when the day comes you really don't care about anything other than being with your new husband and having a good time. And that is all that really matters anyway.

Mix It All Together

I know I owe you some reception pictures but I think I need to take a break today. I am so excited to make the front page of the wedding section in the paper but secretly I thought we might. I knew the picture was of that quality. I can't wait to show BHF.

We're going to a Halloween party tomorrow night and we have to dress up. We kind of want to do something of a "couple" theme since we just got married. Suggestions? Obviously we're in a bit of a time crunch.

Lately I can't handle the 2 day weekend. It just seems so damn short! I know this one is going to fly by as well.

For the most part married life isn't any different than before. We are still the same but there is something indescribably different as well. This may sound weird, but it feels like something bigger than us. We are entering a new realm. Because of this, I don't completely buy it when people say, "they don't need a piece of paper to tell them they are comitted to each other." Yeah, to each their own, but to me? That piece of paper really does matter.

We're going on our mini-moon in two weeks. I'm so excited for 2 days of just us and a cozy room with a fireplace and a jacuzzi. I can't wait.

Happy Friday!

Front Page

Ceremony

It is hard to pick a favorite part of the day because it all went by in such a blur. I just remember smiling a lot, laughing a lot, kissing a lot (holy hell, you sure do have to kiss A LOT! BHF jokes that he made his quota for the year that day) and dancing a lot. We wanted the ceremony to be special, to be us and it was. We chose it all (except for the music before the ceremony began) and because of that it is probably my favorite part.

When we arrived I had to get my dress laced up, flower in hair and go to the bathroom. It ended up being the only time I went to the bathroom all night. It's true - going to the bathroom in your wedding dress is a pain and you need a big bathroom!

At this point I was ready to go. There were no nerves, it was more of a Let's do this! feeling.

During our practice run the day before my dad made me laugh by suggesting we look for 4-leaf clovers on the way down. I knew my dad would keep me laughing and smiling. At this point I wasn't nervous.

It was about here that I started to get nervous. My lip started to quiver. But honestly, it wasn't nearly as nerve wracking as I thought it would be.

Me trying not to cry

The First Kiss!

Happy!

Whee!

Getting Ready

Sunday morning, I woke up early to the alarm, hit the hotel gym, and had breakfast with my mom and BHF. My mom was so cute, she made sure to tell everyone she saw that we were getting married that day.

Initially, the plan was to have my niece (also a BM) do my hair and make-up. You may remember we had a trial and I was happy with it. You might also remember that she was pregnant, due October 19th. She ended up having her baby early, on September 22nd. I spoke with her the night before she left for the hospital and she said, "Oh I'll make it. Two more weeks? I can do it." Well she didn't but she had a beautiful, healthy baby girl. About a week before my wedding I realized I better find someone to do my hair and make-up. Another BM volunteered to do my make-up and I contacted a woman who had only done my hair once before and she said she would do it. I figured my style was pretty simple it should be easy enough to do.

After breakfast I showered, threw some clothes on, kissed BHF good-bye and headed out to the salon. We agreed to meet at 9:30 am. It was a 30 minute drive but I figured I would be back to the hotel by 11am which would give me 2 hours to get ready. When I arrived she wasn't there. It was also about this time that the sky got dark and the air got chilly. I hadn't looked at a weather forecast in days. I called the hairdresser, she said she was running late but would be there in 15 minutes. I decided to take a walk over to the convenience store and get some water. I asked if anyone knew the forecast - oh it's going to rain all day. Are you kidding me? I called a BM and calmly asked her if she could look up the weather. She assured me it wouldn't rain that everything was going to be fine.

My hair, not so fine. She put it into a low ponytail and started curling it. Before I knew it, it looked like a perm job gone wrong from the '80s. I started to panic. I asked her if maybe she could put it up into a bun or something, that it wasn't really turning into the look I had hoped for. By the time she put the 148th bobby pin in my hair I was ready to get out of there. I paid my $50 and walked out of there trying not to cry. It was my wedding day and this was NOT how I wanted to look. Then again, it was my wedding day and what the hell was I going to do about it now?

BHF must have known somehow because he called to tell me that the flowers had arrived early at the hotel and that he thought I was going to really like them. He told me the next time he saw me I would be his wife and how happy that made him. Yeah, I got over the hair.

I picked up lunch and was about 20 minutes late to the hotel. My MOH and one BM were the only ones who got ready with me. It was the perfect number. At first we relaxed a little, had some yummy lunch and some mimosas.

Even the day of my wedding couldn't tear me away from the cookies. Yum.

After lunch it was a complete blur. The three of us were running around and I was trying to figure out what to do with myself. Which leg does the garter go on? Should I step into my dress or dive into it?

The photographer asked for "expression" this is what I gave him. Classy.

You can see from this picture that there is a panel missing. Part of the reason we were late was my MOH couldn't figure out how to lace the dress. We ended up calling BHF on the way to the ceremony and asked to have his mom meet the limo. The panel ended up getting smooshed in there making it hard to lace the dress.

BHF was right, I LOVED the flowers. The florist really got what we wanted. Plus they were cheap! Definitely one of my favorite vendors.

One last shot as we leave the hotel

And we're off! Only 30 minutes late - yikes! Next up, the ceremony!

The Rehearsal

The day before the wedding was hectic. It started out great...I woke up early to go to the gym and go tanning. I took a shower, ate some breakfast and headed out to pick my dad up. Once we go home, we had some lunch and then my mom and I headed out to get mani/pedis. Incidentally it was my mom's first time getting both and it was my first pedicure. We had appointments but when we got there they were running behind which meant we didn't get started on until 45 minutes later. It was a lovely experience but we had to hurry out of there quickly. We made it home and I was frantic trying to pack. I had no idea what I needed and was just throwing crap into my bag. I nearly forgot my jewelry and had to run back for it. Not the way I had planned on packing for my wedding.

We stopped at the hotel so we could all check in and of course they were behind and slow. My mom took forever changing and I didn't even bother which meant I looked like crap but oh well. We left the hotel at 4:30 pm. The rehearsal was supposed to start at 4:30pm and we were still 35 minutes away. I HATE making people late. I was definitely a stress case.

When we got to the rehearsal everyone was there and we got started.

My dad walking me back to our "starting point."

BHF picking me up after our walk down the aisle.

BHF's sister made me a bouquet out of my shower ribbons and bows. It was fantastic and so much prettier than the typical pie plate version.


















The practice run made it feel more real. I was nervous.







It was at this point that I realized how frantic I was. We put together the cupcake stand and we didn't have a chance to decorate it so we were securing ribbon to it with pushpins. Yes, it was definitely a ghetto cupcake stand. We also never got a chance to find or make a topper which made me sad. But at this point, I really didn't care.

Next up: Getting Ready!

Hair

This is a horrible picture I just took with my phone. My dear internet friends, I love you so I'll post it anyway.

Ramblings

I went with the second one; it was my favorite one all along but I wasn't sure about the fact that you can't really see us. I decided that I'll do a more frontal picture in the other newspaper.

We got our pro pictues back...it is hard not to be critical of myself.

I was unexpectedly anxious about changing my name. I always knew that was what I would do...I had no compelling reason NOT to so why fight the norm? But it feels a little bit like I am losing a part of myself. I am super excited to move forward in this next chapter in my life with BHF but still.

In an effort to make myself feel better I decided to go shopping on my day off. Except it just made me realize how much weight I've gained and besides that, I don't really have any desire to change it. What a shi**y position to be in. So instead of buying clothes I chopped my hair and got bangs. It was such an impulse decision, I was in the mall, walked into the salon and boom. Done. Yesterday I hated it. Today I feel a little better about it.

Needless to say I am craving comfort these days which comes in the form of food, alcohol, apartment, doggie, and husband. Now I get why people gain weight after they get married.


I forgot to post a picture from Wicket's birthday party. Here he is - 2 years old! He's a big boy now.

Opinions Please

We haven't gotten the formals back from our photographer but I want to make the special Wedding section for my hometown paper and the deadline is tomorrow. So, which picture do you like best for the newspaper announcement?

The Bet

In January BHF and I made a bet. The bet was whether not I would cry during our ceremony. I cry at EVERYTHING so this was really a no brainer for BHF. However, I know that in highly emotional and stressful situations I go into "get it done mode" and figured I would be too scared to feel anything. As we got closer to the date and I was crying and emotional all.the.time, I started to wonder just how would I react to the situation?

The morning of, I was in such a rush to get ready and make it to the ceremony that it wasn't until the limo on the way over that I had a holy shit I'm getting married moment. I was excited. We got to the venue at 2pm (ceremony? At 2pm) and still needed to have the flower put in my hair, my dress laced up properly, and go to the bathroom. When the moment came to line up, I was ready. I wanted to get it over with, partly because we were late and I hate being late! The walk down the aisle was long, I don't know distance because I am so bad with that stuff, but let's just say that it was about one minute of a song. As we walked down familiar faces popped out of the crowd and I fixated on them. About 2/3 of the way down my lip started to quiver. I have never had my lip quiver in my life. I couldn't stop it but I honestly didn't care.

Standing at the arbor with BHF was surreal. I would look at him while the Reverend spoke, trying to listen, but then I felt weird because it was like I was starting at him. So I would look elsewhere for a moment only to be drawn right back to his face. A couple times I could see him tear up so I had to look away; I thought I might lose it, but I didn't.

I won the bet. I get to have a day where we do whatever I want. More than that, I get to have all the days forward with my husband who is as perfect for me as I am for him. That is way more exciting than some stupid bet.

Just Because

I had all these intentions of writing up a post about the wedding. It has been harder to put into words than I thought it would be. So I decided that I'm going to wait until we get pictures from the photographer and maybe that will help some.

BHF had a camping trip with school last week so we were happy to see each other on Friday when he returned. The weekend was good, but as usual, fast. We did some rearranging, cleaning, eating, and visiting with BHF's family. I also got reminded that BHF has another camping trip this week.

I hate when he goes away. Wicket is always on his worst behavior (last week? He peed in the apartment like 3 times, including ON THE COUCH) plus something always goes wrong. I got a knock on our door from our downstairs neighbor asking if we had a leak. Uh...I don't think so...but it turns out the fish tank (BHF loves it but I could care less and therefore care just enough to appease BHF ) was leaking and dripping through the apartment below. Super. I managed (how, I don't know) to stop it but still. Something always goes wrong when I'm home alone.

There really hasn't been much of a wedding let down for me. I'm glad to have it over with and I'm looking forward to getting rid of everything wedding planning related. It was a fantastic day and I'm so glad we did it but the wedding industry? Makes me want to throw up all over it.

I thought this would be my first full week at work in a while but I forgot I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I think I'll just take the day off and tackle changing my name.

I know, I'm a tease

I'm not back at work officially until Thursday which means I don't have much patience for the internet and also, my husband (wheee!) is leaving tomorrow for a 3 day school camping trip so I want to squeeze in as many more minutes with him as I can. So here are a few more pictures that BHF put together and yes, I am lazy because if he hadn't done the leg work you all would be getting nothing right now. I only changed out of my pajamas for about 10 minutes today. Apparently I have entered sloth mode after getting married and I'm totally OK with it.

Wonderful Day

4

Today is my last day of work. I have to pick up my dress tomorrow and we have the walk through with the caterer on Friday. My mom is also coming up on Friday. It's starting to feel real and yet surreal at the same time.

Today is also Wicket's birthday! He is two years old today. Happy Birthday Wickerman!

Most of my anxiety today is stemming from work. I will be out of the office for 4 working days so I'm trying to make sure I have everything wrapped up. My staff is great though and I know there will be no problems that they can't handle while I'm gone.

BFF has a camping trip with school next Wednesday so we won't be going anywhere after the wedding. I'm fine with it, hopefully we can go somewhere Veteran's weekend.

So this is it. Most likely I won't be able to post again until after the wedding. Send us your best vibes around 2pm on Sunday.

And thanks. Thanks for all your support and well wishes over these last 10 months, it has really meant a lot to me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get married!

5

I am surprisingly calm this week. I'm getting married this weekend? Oh, no big deal. The nonchalance is quite eerie.

I feel good about it. Everything. Although I must admit that I am still waiting for the avalanche of crap that is sure to drop any moment. You know, something along the lines of, "so all our catering equipment got stolen and we won't be able to do your wedding." But even if that happened it wouldn't be a catastrophe. Sometimes the good thing about something going wrong is that whatever solution you come up with to fix the problem is better than nothing.

On Sunday BFF and I trolled the mall and had to (of course) go into the pet store. They had an Italian Greyhound and if I wasn't so against buying a pet from a pet store we might have walked out with it. It was so cute and so sad to be in a little wire cage. We want to get Wicket a little brother or sister. Once we move that is going to be the first thing I do. He needs a companion.

After we got home from the mall the three of us cuddled up on the sofa with our new blanket (sherpa on one side, suede on the other - heavenly soft) and watched a movie. I had one of those moments where I just knew this was right. I was so happy to be there, in the moment, with BFF. I can't tell you how excited I am for the weekend and to marry BFF. It is going to be perfect.