So my pal Molly wrote a post that I, and apparently a lot of other brides, can relate to. To refresh your memory, my Maid of Honor has been a let down from the beginning and I wish I had followed my gut. We've been friends since kindergarten and my whole life she was to be my MOH. We've changed, moved in different directions, but when it came time to choose my bridal party I didn't think twice. I should have given it more time before deciding. I regret that I didn't but I felt so thrown into everything and overwhelmed that I really can't fault myself for it.

And let's not forget the scene she made (that I thankfully missed) on the DAY OF MY SHOWER!

So, wise blogger friends...should I ask her to do a toast? We are having the best man do one and I'm inclined to leave it at that. However, I don't want the finger to be pointed at me for poor etiquette.

10

I pulled three grey hairs out today. I knew they had been there a while but for some reason I hesitated to yank them. Perhaps it was the old saying, pluck one another two grow in or maybe I wanted to pretend I can age gracefully. In any case they're gone now. I'm not even 30 yet and I have grey hairs. Gah.

We worked everything out with the caterer. We still need a tent to serve the food under but at least we can have dinner and everything inside which is what we want.

We also had a good meeting with the DJ. I knew it was going to be just fine when he asked if I knew the song Fallen on the Pretty Woman soundtrack. Know it? I just listened to that song on my way to work that morning! I LOVE that song.

So I've decided this is the crap week for us but next week will be smooth sailing. Got that Universe? Smoooooooooth sailing.

11

Today there will be no crying in the bathroom. I'm just going to have to roll with the punches at this point. It hasn't been a good three days and yesterday was the melting point. On Sunday we found out that the wedding band we re-ordered for BFF (because he jammed his finger and the ring wouldn't fit anymore) is now too big. 2 weeks away from the wedding we're scrambling to get a ring here that fits.

Monday I went for my third dress fitting. I thought it was going to be my last but no, they still have to finish the hem. I was also informed that I would have to pay for my alterations since I didn't order my bridesmaids dresses through them. Ummm...what? I was told it was free alterations PERIOD. No worries though, as it was explained to me it's only $150. Only. With less than 2 weeks until the wedding what am I going to do? Suck it up and pay for it. You can be sure I'll be contacting the BBB though after my wedding. They may have covered their ass with the wording on the purchase agreement - free Alter. with bridesmaids too (which incidentally I took to mean if I did purchase my BM dresses there they would get free alterations too) but everything about how they went about it is fishy. Plain and simple. I feel duped.

Yesterday the caterer informs me that both he and the venue coordinator feel that we need a tent. When we booked the site, we booked it for the barn, not to be sitting outside of it in a tent. I don't even like tents. The woman at the venue knew our intentions all along and never said that with 98 people we couldn't be inside. I find it funny that less than 2 weeks out and they decide to bring this up. All of our planning has been with the intention of being inside for most of the reception. Oh, do you know how much tents cost to rent? Just $700, you know, no big deal. Ahem.

Tonight we're meeting with a DJ. As long as he's literate, speaks English, and doesn't come to the meeting high or drunk we'll probably hire him on the spot. It's amazing how low your standards go when you're two weeks out. I purposely made our meeting at a local restaurant so BFF and I can relax over a couple beers.

There is a list a mile long of other things we need to do - time lines, escort cards, assembling favors, programs, wedding gifts, you know just about everything. I'm not worried about it though because with the exception of the gifts we at least know what we're going to do for the rest. We just need to get it done.

12

I just had to go to the bathroom to cry. I feel like I'm in the worst of the wedding storm but I guess it means it can only get better. Instead of focusing on all the things that are going wrong and costing beaucoup money I will focus on the positive. And so, I present 10 reasons I am marrying BFF:

1. He makes me laugh. Even if I am furious, he can still get me to crack a smile. Everything is more fun with BFF.
2. He takes care of me when I'm hungover or sick. He'll go out to get me Coke and make me the million food requests until I figure out just what the miracle cure is.
3. He knows when to push me. BFF knows the delicate balance between me being a wimp and me being scard.
4. Since I've met BFF I've done so many more activites than ever before - hiking, snowboarding, mountain biking, geocaching, disc golf. I love trying new things (well after I get over my fears - see above) and going on adventures with BFF.
5. We complement each other really well. When I'm having a bad day BFF steps up to the plate and vice versa. We always know when the other person is at their limit.
6. I know he will be a great dad. Any limitations I feel going into parenthood I know BFF will more than compensate for.
7. He lets me be silly and like random things like alpacas, stars, Vermont, pink, sparkles. In fact, he thinks it's cute.
8. BFF is full of energy. He gets excited about things and whenever he is in a good mood I can't help but be in one too.
9. He washes my car and takes it in for maintenance without me asking.
10. He loves me. Afterall, I AM his baber.

I Don't Need to Tell You

Having an extra extra long weekend was a good thing but it definitely made coming back to work yesterday hard. We got a lot done, mostly firming up plans and deciding what we are going to do. Have I mentioned that we don't have a DJ yet? Oddly enough I'm not too worried...we're meeting with someone next Monday who will hopefully work out. One thing I've found is that there is no shortage of DJs in this world. Granted probably more than half are crap...

As of Sunday we still have 3 groomsmen who haven't been fitted for their tux and now have to pay a rush fee. The absolute last day to do it is this Sunday so I'm praying our boys come through. One of our groomsmen, my friend from high school, has been MIA for the last month. I've tried everything - phone calls, text messages, e-mails, snail mail - and have received no reply. He hasn't even responded to the wedding invite (deadline last Friday) never mind whether he is going to be IN the wedding. I go back in forth between being worried (his phone is always shut off) and being pissed. I left him a message on Sunday evening and said I needed to know by Friday otherwise I would assume he isn't coming. Unfortunate. BFF thinks it will look stupid with uneven groomsmen and bridesmaids. I hope I can convince him that it doesn't matter. I think it is in poor taste to ask someone else this late in the game.

The bridesmaid's luncheon was OK. I felt awkward and like I was a bad hostess but I would say that is pretty normal for me. I did a charm cake and somehow ended up with the artist palette which is not me.

Other than stress eating things could be worse. Sometimes I think I should take up smoking again to handle my stress. Of course I won't, but really, I don't need to be gaining weight right now.

Considering I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks I think I'm hanging in there just fine. I wonder when I'm really going to start to crack?

A Sheet Is White Too

By far the most uncomfortable part of planning the wedding has been anything related to the dress. I felt like a fake when I was trying them on for the first time and there was no excitement about finding THE ONE. Don't get me wrong, I love my dress, but I totally settled. I didn't have an omigod moment but I wasn't looking for one either. I don't like people to fuss over me and standing on the pedestal is uncomfortable. Especially when I had to look at myself in the mirror adorned by messy hair and beet red cheeks with splotches on my neck. Not pretty.

I had my second fitting on Monday and I started to get teary-eyed on my drive home and as soon as I laid on the bed with Wicket I started bawling. I was having a major I hate myself moment. Seeing myself in that dress I felt nothing but disgust. The dress is beautiful. Me in the dress? Not beautiful. Thinking about it right now? Tears in my eyes.

I have no doubt that I want to marry BFF but what makes me want to crawl in a hole right now and skip the whole wedding thing is me in the dress. Weeks ago I decided that I wasn't going to stress about my weight and how I look because in the end the only person who really notices is me and why torture myself?

I know that I'm going through a I'm stressed but I don't realize it yet phase. AAAAAHHHHHH! Maybe in two weeks after the hem is fixed I will feel differently. It's not like I can do anything about it anyway.

BFF has tomorrow and Friday off from school so I took it off from work. We have a mile long list of things to do for the wedding and hopefully with some progress we won't feel as stressed. I'm also hosting a bridesmaid luncheon on Sunday and I'm anxious about how it is all going to play out. I have to pick my MOH up at the train and drop her off which adds to my annoyance with her. I guess I'm still not over it.

The worst part is I have wedding mush brain and am becoming useless at work. It's horrendous.

One? Are you sure? Yeah...One Month!

So remember here and here where I was like la la la, 7 months to go, 4 months to go? Have you looked to the left lately? 30 days and I am getting married. Me. The same girl who 3 years ago was convinced I would be 65 and still unmarried (dramatic much?).

These last 10 months have been a roller coaster but I can honestly say that in the end I wouldn't trade it (I also wouldn't go through it again - ha ha!). Weddings bring out strange behavior in people, this I have learned. The most supportive people in our lives during this process have been those that are already married. Maybe because they've been through it and understand, maybe because they aren't jealous...I don't know. We've come to realize those that truly care about us and although it is slightly disappointing to see how some people have acted, I think it is better to know.

We still have a ton left to do. BFF is starting to get stressed while I am still pretty relaxed about it. I started to make a list yesterday and decided I might just want to go to sleep for a month instead. But we'll get through it.

Mostly right now I'm just getting excited. It's about time.

Labor Day Weekend

We had a great weekend and it was the perfect way to say good-bye to summer.

Our first stop on Saturday was the highest apple orchard in Massachusetts. We didn't pick apples but we did stop in the little store and picked up some cherry butter for my mom, a ceramic garlic keeper for me and some apple cider donuts. They were good (so good in fact that we went back a couple days later and got some more for breakfast)

Next we came across an Alpaca farm and had a lot of fun hanging out with alpacas - they are so cute and so soft! I'm totally going to get a few some day. We went into the store after and saw some really great stuff but we didn't have the money to buy anything. Maybe next time.

We had lunch in an adorable country store, picked up some homemade cinnamon raisin bread and headed back to our campsite. At this point our friends had arrived and we had dinner, drank some beers (shhh...) and hung out by the campfire.

The next morning BFF made pancakes. We overheard a little girl in the next campsite as for Mickey Mouse pancakes and her mom said, "you're lucky if they are round." BFF took that as his cue to perfect the art of shaped pancakes. I got an alpaca. There was also Mickey ears, a peace sign and some other new age cartoon character. Oh yeah, and a penis - apparently that is what happens when you get three guys together.

After breakfast the group of us took a hike to the top of Wachusett Mountain and had a picnic lunch.

Wicket and I were tuckered out on the way back.

Wicket spent most of his time at the campsite in the camper where it is comfy. He did really well the whole weekend, only getting sick on Saturday because he was in the car ALL day long.