He Is Doing Fine

When I picked Wicket up he was so happy to see me. They couldn't tell if he did eat the tampon or not but if he did, he will most likely pass it. Which, of course leads me to the question of why did the vet need Wicket to come in and therefore charge me $350 when as far as I can tell all they did was monitor him and run a couple x-rays? Seems to me they knew all along that he would just end up passing it, plus there is the question of uncertainty that he even ate it. Better safe than sorry I guess.

I promised pictures of our invites long ago and never delivered. So here they are (minus the envelopes - nothing fancy just plain ivory). Our work of labor and love.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend. I, for one, am going to enjoy being outside to take in the last of what summer has to offer.

Sad But Funny

I had one of those mornings. The kind where you can't find anything to wear and even though I just wanted to look casual, nothing looked right. While I was throwing pants and shirts around the room, my dog was busy himself. I walked out of the bedroom, dressed with jeans I took out of the dirty pile, a sweater tank, and black flip flops (sounds simple, right? Don't ask me why it took me 15 minutes to decide on it), to find a tissue on the floor. Immediately I thought, "Oh sh*t." I forgot to close the bathroom door and Wicket grabbed a used tampon out of the trash. He left the tissue it was wrapped in on the floor but the tampon? Couldn't find it. Anywhere.

A call to the vet confirmed that yes, I should bring Wicket in. I filled out some paperwork, the nurse showed me the estimate ($500), I said good bye to Wicket and walked out the door. A sense of sadness came over me which is normal; I was leaving my baby behind who is probably anxious and scared. I called my friend and she laughed which made the mood lighter, it was what I needed.

Here I am waiting to hear from the vet. I know he will be fine and for all know he might not have even eaten it, but I can't help but feel sad for the poor guy. He didn't do so well with us being gone in Vegas and he is still getting used to us being back.

I decided not to go to work. Instead I am doing some stuff around the apartment to bide my time. I hope I can go pick him up soon and we can have some mommy and me time. I might need it more than him right now. I've been a bit emotional this week. I blame it all on my period.

One of the best parts of the shower was discovering a bird nest up in the tent. The baby birds were adorable. Thank god for zoom.

Shower Me

My shower was on Saturday. I had a really nice time and it was perfect - exactly what I wanted. There were about 20 people, it was a garden tea party at a local vineyard. The heat was outrageous but I got a lot of gifts and it was nice and laid back. Or so I thought.

Here is the version of the story according to one of my bridesmaids who I consider to be neutral. I didn't know about any of this until I saw BM-J crying at the end (though I could tell she didn't want me to know) and eventually BFF filled me in.

I think that BM-J did a wonderful job pulling of the day and she did a good portion of the behind the scenes work. You know that I love her and all she wanted to do was plan a day that would be truly special for you. I'm sure that MOH probably feels somewhat slighted because she sent out the "initial" shower email trying to get the ball rolling, but honestly, after the first set of plans fell through, she stepped back and didn't really involve herself at all and BM-J took the bull by the horns in order to get things done.

Maybe MOH felt like her suggestions weren't "heard", like that as the maid of honor she should have been the one to do it...I don't know. I know that BM-J tried several times to get feedback from her though. BM-J had sent an email letting us know what the plan is and what costs were involved (we were all supposed to pitch in). The invites went out (thanks to BM-J getting them done) and no one's name was on them (technically, they usually they say "a shower given by her bridesmaids, mom"...whoever is "hosting" the shower). They just had BM-J's name to RSVP to. Honestly, I didn't think much of it.

It was a little hard at the shower when everyone thanked BM-J for doing such a wonderful job with the shower, without knowing that we all (well, at this point, just me and BM-B) contributed in the costs of the event and the favors. I think MOH took it a little more personally. She let BM-J know that she didn't feel like she should have to "pay" anything because her name wasn't on the invite. While I can understand her point, I think her calling BM-J out on it at the shower was extremely inappropriate. If she had issues with anything that was going on, she should have called or emailed her beforehand, not done it at the shower.

I feel hurt and confused. Ultimately the day was supposed to be about me. By refusing to contribute she's basically saying she doesn't want me to have the best day possible. By bringing it up AT my shower she's basically saying she doesn't care about me having the best day possible.

Here's the thing. From day one I've felt that MOH isn't excited about BFF and I getting married and she has been the least supportive during the wedding process. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but she hasn't exactly stepped up to the plate and I've been pretty disappointed.

More so, I think it is the end of the road for us. We've been friends since kindergarten, our families are close but I haven't felt a real connection for a while. I've blogged about it before, here and many other times. It feels more like work to keep our friendship going and I can't say I get a whole lot out of it. It's so hard to let something go that has been so meaningful though.

I'm not suggesting I cut ties right now. I'm sure after a few days I will calm down a little but I think that eventually I will follow what my gut has been telling me for a while. As individuals we've changed, but our friendship hasn't changed with it and it might be time to close that chapter of my life.

Looking Back

Last week I started a new book, Prep. I find myself identifying with the main character a lot and last night I had an a-ha moment after reading this part:

"The big occurrences in life, the serious ones, have for me always been nearly impossible to recognize because they never feel big or serious. In the moment, you have to pee, or your arm itches, or what people are saying strikes you as melodramatic or sentimental, and it's hard not to smirk. You have a sense of what this type of situation should be like - for one thing, all-consuming - and this isn't it. But then you look back, and it was that; it did happen."

I have always felt that my experiences in life happen after the fact. It isn't until reflection that I realize the magnitude of the situation or the emotions that I felt. When I got engaged I thought, "that's it?" Now, I think back and feel everything that I couldn't feel in the moment. Death, birth, sickness, moving, job changes - same thing. Anything that is too overwhelming, good or bad, for me to process or feel gets put on hold. I also think that when I know something big is coming up I visualize it and think about it so much that when it doesn't really happen like I expect (does it ever?) I feel partially let down and unsure.

Does it mean something is wrong with me? I'm not sure that it is anything I can change and most likely self-awareness will do more for me than trying to change myself. I'm sure a lot of it comes from coping methods I learned as a child. I think I would rather work on accepting it than fighting it.

One thing I need to remember is that my wedding day will fly by and at the end of it I will probably say, "that's it?" However, a week, month, year down the road I will realize it really was the best day of my life.

Vegas

Las Vegas wasn't as big and scary I thought it would be. I think I like it more now than I did when I was there as I often do when I go on trips. I also heard, "but its a DRY heat" about a zillion times before I left. I found it to be true though, it is hot but not unbearable.

I was kind of poopy on the first night we got there because I had WAY too much food at the buffet (afterwards I declared no more buffets but considering I ended up going to 2 more we can see how well that worked), was working on 4 hours of sleep plus a 3 hour time change, and slightly overwhelmed. BFF wanted to see a show so I pulled myself together and we walked to see if we could get tickets to a Cirque du Soleil show.

Most of the reason for my hesitation on going to a show is that they are so expensive! I was having a hard time convincing myself that it was OK to drop $150 on an hour and half of entertainment. Nevertheless, we got in line and there were maybe 4 people ahead of us. A man approached us on the right and asked if we were buying tickets. Immediately BFF and I got on the defensive, assuming he was going to try and sell us tickets. Instead he said that his daughter couldn't make it, the tickets are legit and did we want them? Ummmm.....WHAT? We were both so shocked that we said thanks, slowly walked away and tried to comprehend what had just happened. We sat next to the couple who gave us the tickets, chatted a bit (they were from Cleveland and super nice) and then got comfy with our $10 big cup of Fat Tire (the only decent beer we found while we were there) and enjoyed the show. It was fantastic.

Afterwards we drank some more and by the time we got back to the hotel it was 11pm which meant we had been up for close to 24 hours...I was drunk and tired (obviously)and it was definitely time for me to go to sleep. However, we had to snap one picture of us in the room because I declared it despicable to not have any pictures from our first day in Vegas.




We stayed at the Luxor which was nice enough for us. The hotel is shaped like a pyramid.







We spent one day walking up the strip which was exhausting but fun to see everything. If we had more time I would have liked to go in more hotels/casinos.

We did go to the Shark Reef which was cool but probably not worth $16 to get in. In this picture BFF is touching a sting ray.




Me being goofy:






We also rented a car one day and drove around outside the city:





We looked many times for a Welcome to Arizona sign but we never found one:






For some strange reason we have commercials for Sonic even though there isn't one anywhere near us. We decided to go to a Sonic while we were out there. I believe this one was in Arizona, in the middle of nowhere:



Sadly I never made it to In N Out Burger.

We drove through Hoover Dam but we didn't stop because it wasn't all that exciting to us. It was cool to see though. Just past it we found this cool spot to take a picture:



Sunday was the wedding and as expected I cried. I forgot tissues and there were only 16 people in the room so it was kind of obvious. I had to wipe snot on my arm. I was disgusting. The reception dinner was at the Four Seasons and it was unbelievable. The food was really yummy.

It has been hard coming back from vacation and getting back into the real world. Going to the gym after being away for a week is HARD and I feel like a heifer. Hopefully by next week I'll be back to my usual self.

I'm Ready For Some Lights

Crazy. The last 5 days have been a whirlwind and finally today I feel just a little more relaxed (ha!).

There was:

• a swollen finger.
• a trip to the doctor (why did I go? Useless, always useless).
• a hair cut followed by grocery shopping ($150 worth - yowsers!).
• shopping for baby gifts and fish and invitation supplies and Target.
• breakfast at Bickfords and a meeting with a DJ.
• preparation of spaghetti and meatballs and carrot cake for dinner with friends.
• our first gift from our registry! A blender - woo hoo! Our old one broke a month ago in the middle of making mudslides.
• shopping for a dress for the wedding this weekend and having no luck but buying a terribly boring charcoal dress anyway because hey something is better than nothing.
• dinner at Pizzeria Uno because shopping is not fun and we deserved it (of course we did). Side note: I always pronounce it Pizzerina Uno. BFF thinks it is hilarious.
• missing Hell's Kitchen finale when we've been watching it all season long because we just HAD to have beer and fried food (lame!).
• finishing up (and mailing!) the thorny wedding invitations.
• another dinner made for friends.
• gently placing a package of Lofthouse cookies (SO good!) in my basket for dessert last night and then proceeding to add Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and Twizzlers to the basket. Uhhh....we've mentioned that I'm an anxiety eater, right?
• trying on a dress I have at home and deciding I'll just wear that to the wedding (sigh)

Armed with lots of tips from Molly and Clink I'm ready for Vegas. Or I will be after I tie up all loose ends at work, find some shoes to wear to the wedding, do two loads of laundry and pack. Did I mention our flight is tomorrow morning? As in we have to wake up at 4am? It is going to be one long day tomorrow.

After all the anxiety I've been having the last few days I'm finally getting excited for the trip.

We'll be back on Monday; 'til then be safe and as always, have fun!

Tick Tock

Right now I'm waiting for lunch time. I told BFF I only wanted one slice of pizza but he gave me two anyway. I decided to have one today and save the other for lunch tomorrow (brilliant!). But we all know my willpower is zero so most likely I will be scarfing them both down at the strike of noon.

Invitations didn't get finished last weekend because of a few setbacks. We were going to finish them Tuesday and then Wednesday but now, we'll be doing it this weekend along with a million other things. I still don't have a dress to wear to BFF's sister's wedding and the apartment is a mess. We're having a couple people stay with Wicket while we're in LAS, so hopefully they will be coming to dinner on Saturday to get a tutorial.

I'm back full force into wedding planning. My mind is constantly running with thoughts, and I'm going back through issues of magazines to get some more ideas. When we went to our ceremony & reception place on Friday BFF started to get excited about the wedding which helps get me excited. There are so many logistical details that we can't seem to come to a conclusion about. Last weekend we went back and forth on whether to have pictures done before or after the ceremony. We finally decided (I think?) on afterwards but I'm still not completely happy with the decision.

What I do know for sure is that I will be downing tequila shots before the ceremony. I have at least one bridesmaid on board and that's all I need.

Over It

I have a pretty fantastic life and I AM marrying the love of my life so, really, there is no sense in feeling sorry for myself. So I'm done.

Besides, today is Friday and no one wants to be grumpy on a Friday. Plus, I'm leaving at noon. Why? Well, only just to go get our MARRIAGE LICENSE! I wonder if I'll have that ohmygodI'mgettingmarried moment that I haven't really had yet. There are still plenty of opportunities though.

I wish I could say our weekend is going to be fun but it's not. We have to finish up our invitations. I'm sure it will be fine though, we have a birthday party to look forward to on Sunday as our reward. If I remember I'll take a picture of them.

Happy weekend!

I think part of the reason that I'm not as excited about this wedding (the celebration, not the marriage) is that I'm afraid of what I'll find during my "researching." I am so indecisive that my choices are usually not made with an enthusiastic, "Yes! That's the one, that's it!." More often I think something is OK and figure, what the heck? It's fine. Fine.

I've second guessed the time of year, the ceremony and reception location, the dress, the STDs, the flowers, the invites - basically EVERYTHING. Minutes ago I decided to poke around on the knot to see if I could get some ideas and all of a sudden I'm wishing I had what she has and ugh, my wedding is going to be so boring and blah. Why? Because I can't make decisions and so I avoid them until it's the last minute and then I say sure, it's fine just to get it over with. Fine.

I really wanted wedding planning to be fun and something I like. But when you don't like to be the center of attention, are sensitive to other people's feelings, have no idea what weddings entail, worry about money and have no one gushing around you, it makes it more of a stress than a joy.

***

BFF is really pissing me off right now to the point where I don't even want to go home. I don't think I've ever felt this way before.

He has been acting like a selfish, moody brat all week long and I'm sick of it.

No wonder this wedding is stressing me out right now.

Yes, Clink. It was hard for me too.

My last therapist would have loved this meme. Thanks to Molly, I have to come up with 10 things I like about myself.

1. When I say I'm going to do something I will do it. I rarely back out of anything which often gets me doing things I don't want to do, but I think it's important to keep my word. In turn, I can't stand it when other people don't do the same.
2. I am sensitive. I am very intuitive about what other people are feeling and as a result try hard not to hurt any one's feelings. Although I get annoyed with myself for being TOO sensitive, I think being sensitive is a good thing as well.
3. I am a planner (Tangent: as I was writing this I thought of this line from a movie, do you know it? "Are you a planner? Yeah, me too. Well...no...I wouldn't say I'm a planner. More of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal, a moments a moment...yeah, that's me..."). I don't like to be overwhelmed so I take measures to prevent it. Bills, dishes, groceries, meals; everything I do is almost always thought of and planned ahead.
4. I have a lot of sympathy and compassion for people who need it. I have a huge soft spot for old people, children, people with illnesses or disorders and those overcoming life obstacles. Sometimes I think I should work with older people because I have so much empathy and respect for them.
5. I am good at games and most sports. Unless it's trivia, I suck at trivia. I almost always kick BFF's ass when we play anything - miniature golf, pool, air hockey, cards. I think this is why he still hasn't taken me bowling even though I've been asking for two years!
6. I'm a good cook. I'm not gourmet or anything, but I'm not afraid to be in the kitchen. I love to try new recipes.
7. My eyes. I don't usually notice eyes on other people, but mine are a different shade of brown. They are hard to describe.
8. I'm a fast learner. I definitely learn better in a hands on, practice environment but I usually pick up on things pretty quickly.
9. I'm low maintenance. Sometimes I wish I was more of a girly girl but most of the time I like that it only takes me 45 minutes in the morning to eat breakfast, shower, dress, and do my hair and make up. And trust me, I'm not moving fast.
10. I figure things out. I probably couldn't qualify to be a private investigator but I'd like to think I do pretty well. BFF always says that I ruin any surprises he tries to do. Thankfully I didn't ruin the biggest of all - the proposal!

I started this at 11:01 am. It is now 12:07 pm. Phew...the last ones were tough (can you tell?).

Since most everyone who reads this blog has already been tagged I will offer it out to anyone who hasn't done it. Everyone deserves to pat themself on the back - try it, you might like it!