My Drug of Choice

I started going to the gym in December 2003. It proved to be instrumental in sparking a healthier me. Over the course of 2 years I lost 20 lbs, felt exponentially better about myself, and quit smoking. My therapist saw a remarkable change in me.
In July I had to quit the gym for financial reasons. I was fine for a while, taking the dog for walks and runs, doing yoga and pilates DVDs. I thought, "hey this is great! I don't need to spend all that money on the gym! I rock!" Then my dog died. I started seeing the boy. And we all know what that means...Suddenly I can't get enough of him. And meals are something to look forward to, not just something that shuts my tummy up. Exercise or snuggle on couch with wicked cute boy? Oooh, such a tough call...
Though I probably have only gained about 3-5 lbs, I can feel it. Commence downward spiral. I've come to the conclusion that I will probably always be on the fence with depression. Exercise is my antidepressant. And we're not talking about any old exercise. It must be Endorphin Release ^TM brand. I need it. Whatever the cost. I am an exercise junkie. Thank god I have found a cheap supplier. Because tomorrow, I am back on the crack.
I can't wait.

Your 90 Days Are Up

Last week was the 3 month mark with the boy. I have heard that at 3 months a change occurs in a relationship. Never really understood what that means or why it occurs. Well, now I know. Sort of. It's like a switch has been flipped. All of a sudden I'm pondering the future of our relationship. Wondering if this is real. Am I in deeper than he is? Can he really handle me? All of me? Can I really handle him? All of him? I am now laced with even more insecurity and confusion than before. Hard to believe, I know. You think you've seen me emotional? Try seeing me cry 4 out of the last 7 days. And don't even think about asking me how I can feel that way. I know it's not rational. I never said that I made sense.
I'm sure there are a slew of reasons that 3 months is such a milestone. And while I have thought about these reasons, I'd rather just say, " So...What now?"
It seems to work for the boy.

Yeah, I did it. Now what?

OK, so I may be officially crazy. Me, who NEVER takes chances, I'm going to do it. I'm going to throw myself out into the blogging world and see what happens. If nothing else, hopefully it can occupy my time at work so that I don't go crazy. Because I fear I may be half way down that road already.